Communication Issues

Hi everyone! I recently received this email and thought it would make a great Q&A for the blog. Hope you enjoy it and feel free to ask follow up questions or provide other thoughts for Shelby! There's a lot to be said, and I only scratched the surface with this blog entry. Enjoy your horses!

Hello, Alex!

I am Shelby from Townsend. First off, I'm totally in love with you're grey mare, Justin's Pickles! Although I can't afford her, I've been eyeing her haha. Dreaming basically. Well, I have a question and personally, I need some advice. I've been looking around your site and I'm so impressed! Okay, anyway... I have this 5 year old mare. Some strange man gave her dam to us without knowing she was pregnant so we were surprised with a foal. I am only 18 so when I was 13, I started the foal myself. At first, I thought it was brilliant but now, I'm not so sure. I know nothing about my mare's breed, her dam or sire, nothing. She's very stocky but she doesn't have a lot of Quarter Horse features. Anyway, I have trained this mare from leading to the saddle but there's just a few problems. One, she is absolutely disrespectful because I never have been big enough to push HER around. Now that I'm old enough to get her attention, she still does not respect me. Two, she won't lunge and she becomes crabby when we try. Three, she will move her feet when I put the saddle on her but once I or anyone gets on, she won't budge. I have not tried spurs yet but I plan to. And last but certainly not least, she refuses the trailer.

I don't have enough money to get her fixed so I was wondering if you might have any advice for me. I'm sorry this was so long! But really, I want advice/tips from a professional trainer. Gosh, sorry again! I hope this wasn't too long or irritating. But thank you so much for your time (if you had enough time to read this ha..)!

- Shelby

Hi Shelby

Thanks for the email and the compliments! Glad you enjoyed the website.

Without seeing you and your mare together, I can’t give you exact answers, but I can certainly give you some ideas and hopefully get you started towards a better relationship with her.

It sounds as though there is a lack of clarity between you and your mare when it comes to what you are asking of her. I would offer you the idea that you don’t need to be “big enough to push her around,” but clear enough in what you are asking her to do that she wants to participate. In general, horses are very willing animals and when they display this sort of pushy, crabby behavior it is because they don’t understand what you are asking and are frustrated with the situation and lack of direction. This lack of clarity produces a lot of anxiety in a horse, and I think the behavior you are describing is an expression of this anxiety.

Imagine if you had a teacher, parent or friend that kept asking you to do something. When you tried to do it, they just asked louder and louder, using the same words but with a tone that told you that you were not doing it right. You kept trying, but they just seemed more annoyed at you, no matter how hard or what you tried. Then, suddenly, the stopped asking and walked away, with no clarification as to what they had wanted and if you had ever gotten it right. The next day, you run into this person again. The same thing happens. From then on, every time you interacted with this person, you had this same sort of experience. What do you think this would do to your mind, spirit and confidence?

If it were me, I’d get angry, and maybe yell back. I know other people that would probably get really quiet and nervous and some that would even run the other way when they saw this person walking towards them. Some people would try for a while and eventually just quit trying and give up, and whenever they saw this person they would just sit there and stare at their feet until the person went away. I know other people that would just keep trying to get the answer right, no matter how frustrated, scared or upset they were…and then maybe one day years down the road have some sort of nervous breakdown or explosion.

We are all individuals, and all respond to confusion differently. The same goes for our horses. You have had this mare from birth, and while you have some good stuff going, for the most part this mare has never understood exactly what you were asking, from leading to lunging to saddling to riding. This lack of understanding is manifesting itself in many ways. Sometimes, she runs on top of you and “disrespects” you. I see this as her trying to control a situation she finds stressful by pushing on you. She doesn’t know where her boundaries are and this is unsettling. Other times, she does not go forward (like when you try to lunge her or ask her to move under saddle), because there is no clarity to your request to go forward, so she is crabby about it, or simply ignores you. To her, you are just bugging her, over and over, louder and louder, without meaning. You are not important. When you try to saddle her, she is probably nervous and her brain is elsewhere, so she moves her feet to try to get her feet where her brain is—which is anywhere but where you and that saddle are.

You mention trying spurs on her, and I don’t think that spurs are your magic cure. If your horse were unable to move, she wouldn’t dance around when being saddled. Horses are large animals, and if she is dull in responding to your leg, or any other aid when on the ground, she will easily dull out to a spur if used incorrectly. It might irritate her enough to move her forward for a while (a day, a month or a year), but eventually the old behavior will return and she will just stand there and ignore the spur like she does your leg now.

Instead, I would recommend establishing a better line of communication between you and your mare, so that she can go through life with a quieter mind and a clearer understanding of what you expect of her. My guess is your biggest issue is that you cannot direct where her mind is. Her mind is stuck on whatever she is thinking about at that moment, and she is unable to let go of that thought. It sounds like most of the time she has her mind working on blocking you out and dissociating from the situation, which is why she is so unresponsive. After years of unclear signals from you, now when you make a request, she just locks down further, rather than engaging with your request and trying to answer properly. She is the person that tries to get the right answer for a while and when she can’t please you she eventually just sits there and stares at her feet until the annoying person goes away. When she just stands there not wanting to move, she is just waiting for you to go away. It has worked in the past, probably better than anything else she has tried.

I would start with working on her leading. When you ask her to walk forward, is her response dull or lively? In other words, do you have to pull her forward, or does she respond merely to your body moving forward, and follow without taking the slack out of the rope? Where is she looking when you are walking forward—at you, behind her, over you, to the sides, or bouncing all over the place? When you stop, does she stop exactly as your feet stop, maintaining the same distance between you and her, or does she keep walking and end up on top of you or walking passed you? Ideally, there is no tension between the two of you when you lead her. Everything is soft, she is focused, and there is a consistent expectation of attention and distance between you two as you interact. She should understand this and feel good about this, as the boundaries should be very clear and horses appreciate knowing what is expect of them, just like you and me. To give her this clarity you need to be clear about your expectations. You need to know where her feet and her mind are at all times. If she doesn’t stop when you stop, you need to fix that, every time. Be picky without being critical. She doesn’t know what you want, so don’t get mad when she gets it wrong, but don’t accept a wrong answer, either. Help her get it right.

Also work on directing her thought. There are many ways to do this, but I will give you one idea and you can experiment from there. Standing in front of her, can you ask her to look one way or another? When I say “look,” I actually mean think. Your focus should be on where her attention is, and her eyes are a nice window into her brain. Horses are perfectly capable of bending their neck in either direction without ever thinking in that direction. While you are reading this, try to turn your head and neck in another direction but keep your eyes on the computer screen. You can do it, pretty easily I would imagine. So can she. Make sure that when you ask her to look one way, you wait with your request until she actually looks over there, not just until her neck goes in the direction you are suggesting. You can ask in many different ways, whether it is with the lead rope, the halter, or gentle putting pressure on her nose to tip her thought back and forth. It doesn’t really matter how you ask, as long as you do not release whatever pressure you are using to request the change in thought until you see her truly commit to thinking in the direction you have suggested. Once you get this, maybe ask her to take her feet in that direction for one step, then two, then three, then a whole circle. But the second her brain isn’t where you are directing her to be, you need to make a change.

Don’t worry about asking with more force if she doesn’t get it right away, just keep asking with the same amount of soft pressure until she finds the answer. She might try some wrong answers first, when blocking you out doesn’t work, but that’s no problem. Just keep asking what your asking until she finds the right answer, then stop and pet on her. She’s so used to blocking you out, it is going to take a while for her to realize that there is another way to interact with you, so be patient and committed, and don’t quit just because she doesn’t know what you mean. The second you release your request, you have taught her that that was the correct answer, so don’t release until you really want to say Good Job! At first, Good Job might come after just a small try on her part, but by next month you will have much higher expectations. Don’t expect perfection on the first try, but always have it in your mind what you are aiming for, and only reward steps in the right direction.

While I have given you some vague exercises to work on, really what I would like to make clear is that this is more about communicating clearly and with consistency than it is about getting her to do something. Be clear with yourself about what you want, and then be clear with her. Once you can direct her thought around, many of the other issues will disappear, as really what you need to be concerned about with your horse is where her mind is and what she is thinking about, not what her feet and body are saying. The mind is what directs the body, and if her brain is elsewhere, it doesn’t matter how well you ask, she will not be able to comply because she will not be present enough to respond willingly.

If her mind is not quiet and soft, you will forever have a stuck, pushy, disrespectful horse. There simply is no other way to be in the world if you are constantly confused, worried and frustrated!

I hope this gives you some ideas about what might be going wrong between you and your mare. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress!

Alex

Ask the Trainer

Hi Everyone!

In an effort to keep this blog a bit more current (I admit, I update the Three Rivers Horse Training facebook page more than this blog...), I am opening it up as an "Ask the Trainer" forum. I've been inspired by some awesome email conversations I've had with riders lately, and can't wait to hear from more of you.

Email me thoughts, questions or even youtube videos you would like me to comment on. alex@threerivershorsetraining.com

Please note, if you send me specific training questions I will do my best to address them from a variety of directions, but I can't provide specific answers that I know will do the trick without working with both horse and human. I'll provide information, thoughts, concepts, possible exercises and all that comes to mind hearing your question, and get you started!

I'm looking forward to hearing about your horses!

Alex

The Long Winter!

Hello friends!

I hope you are all doing well and staying warm through this very cold and now windy winter! It always seems like winter is never going to end, and I am looking forward to being able to ride every day without frozen feet and ten layers on, but I know summer will be here before I know it!

I am beginning to book training spots for this spring. April through July tend to be my busiest months in preparation for summer riding, so please consider booking now to ensure your horse is ready by summer! I will continue to offer training packages by the week, rather than by the month, in order to best tailor the training process for individual horses and owners. Please contact me for rates and details.

I am in the process of putting together my 2011 spring and summer schedule and have a few noteworthy dates to mention.

Saturday, April 16 10am-5pm
Open House & Lesson Day
Three Forks, MT (Three Rivers Horse Training facility)
$35 for individual one hour lessons.
Auditors FREE
Please bring a sack lunch, a chair and lots of questions!
Pre-registration for lesson spots required.

May 20-22 8am-6pm
Horsemanship Clinic
Ennis, MT (WC Arena & Stables)
$50 per day per rider: Pre-registration required
Auditors $10 per day: Pre-registration preferred
Lunch included for those who pre-registered.
**Please note, as of now the website has this event listed as a Saturday/Sunday event, but due to demand we have added Friday. There are still a couple spots left for Friday, but please book soon as they are filling up quickly. Saturday and Sunday are completely filled but we are keeping a waiting list in the event of cancellations.***
Contact Kelly at 406.682.3059 or kellyrobinson7@gmail.com to book your spot!

July 30-31
I will be judging the Missoula 4-H Horse Show. I will be available for lessons in the Missoula area (or along I-90 between Three Forks and Missoula) on Friday, July 29 and Monday, August 1. I may also be available for evening lessons and consultations that Saturday and Sunday.

As always, you can check out my website (www.threerivershorsetraining.com) for upcoming events, and follow me on Facebook by searching "Three Rivers Horse Training." I often announce new events and adjusted dates on Facebook before they are posted to my website. I have a few other clinics in the works that I am not ready to announce yet, so please stay tuned!

If you would like to host a clinic in your area, please contact me for details. I am available for two to five day clinics, and will offer one day clinics within 60 miles of Three Forks.

Stay warm and I can't wait to see you all this spring!
Alex

Please cast a vote for horse rescue!

Hello friends...

The Animals Voice is a wonderful organization offering a retirement home to horses and mules who spent their lives working hard for the U.S. government and would have been sent to slaughter upon retirement. They are eligible for the Pepsi Refresh Project grant of $25,000! Please vote for the Animals Voice--you can vote every day until November 30. Visit http://www.animalsvoice.com/ for more information about the organization. To vote, visit http://www.refresheverything.com/saveourequinetroops. It only takes a minute! Please vote often and forward widely!

Thanks!

Featured rider and horse!

Hello friends!

I promised some spotlight time for one of my great lesson riders, Helen, who has been learning (and loving!) Keller, my one-eyed wonder! They are such a great pair.

Hope you enjoy the photos!

16 ft Gooseneck Stock Trailer!

Please spread the word!
For sale! 16ft gooseneck stock trailer. 1982 Jackson. Sanded and repainted last year. Good floors and all around condition. Does not look its age! Used regularly with no issue. $3500 OBO. Contact Alex for details.

Thanks!

Meet Lady!

Hello friends!
Sorry it's been so long since I've updated this blog. I have a few entries in the works and will do better as the busy summer season comes to a close. Though, I am sad to see the warm weather start to go! It will be a long winter, but we'll make the most of it, as always.

In any case, I'd like to introduce a very special horse that's a part of the Three Rivers family, but is currently looking for her forever home. She is a 4 year old (born 2006) AQHA mare. I call her Lady, though her registered name is "Justins Pickles."

Lady came into my life a little over a year ago. I was looking for some youngsters to start for the summer and heard about some nice colts through another trainer. When I showed up, there was in fact one colt that looked in decent condition (he had apparently only been there a month or so), but then there was Lady. She was WAY to thin, wide eyed and terrified, and was bleeding from her chest because they had "run her into the barbed wire to catch her" for me to look at it. Needless to say, despite her pathetic appearance (or maybe because of it) I HAD to take her. So some money exchanged hands and both colts jumped in my trailer. Don't know if she'd ever seen a trailer before, but both of them couldn't get out of that place fast enough!

Lady came home and I could hardly touch her. She and the other colt lived next to my house in a small pen and I caught her many times a day and loved on her, and she quickly realized that things were okay here. Within a couple weeks I was riding her! Not hard, because she was still too thin (but gaining weight FAST!) but enough to get her used to the idea.

Now it's a year later, and she looks like a different horse. She is a small, stocky mare with a lot of brains and enough heart for five horses. I put her first 30 days on her and since she has been ridden by a few students here and there, but primarily by Marty (my farrier and an excellent horseman in his own right) out in the hills. She has A LOT of miles on her for her young age and is a horse that would jump right off a cliff for you if you asked. But, she's not for just anyone, as she is so smart and she is young, so I'd like her to go to someone with some experience.

Lady is looking for a FOREVER home, and will have one here until the perfect person comes around. She's quite the horse and I love having her around, so I'm going to be very picky. But, she deserves lots of love and attention, and the more she gets ridden the better she gets. She's the sort of horse where if I keep her near my house and turn her loose to graze in the front yard, she comes running when I walk out the door and yell her name. She will be your best friend and a dedicated partner.

Please spread the word, and let me know if you are interested!